NFL Cheerleader Ban: Winners & Losers

 
AOL Sports columnist Sean Jensen says the NFL's recent cheerleader ban is overheated.

Word is, some teams encourage their babe brigades to warm-up near the visitor's sideline, to gain an edge when their opponents' focus strays. Says Jensen: Cheerleaders aren't that distracting.

Giants DE Michael Strahan begs to differ, as do current and former Patriots WRs Donte Stallworth and David Givens. Cheerleaders are a legit problem, say Colts players. Even former Giants QB Jesse "The Bachelor" Palmer has chimed in on the diversionary power of T & A.

Commish Roger Goodell's memo is reputedly called the "Redskins' Rule" because the scantily clad Washington cheerleaders are the worst (i.e. most eye-popping) offenders.

That got us wondering: Which teams, when playing at home, stand to suffer most from the No Fun League's Exhibition Prohibition?

Seven teams -- the Packers, Lions, Steelers, Browns, Giants, Bears and both NY teams -- don't field cheer squads, so get no benefit from the rule.

Of the 25 remaining teams, which has the most and the least ogle-worthy cheerleaders?

We here at The Clothezline have braved hours on the Web, inspecting hemlines, hairdos and waaaay too many plasticized pom-poms, to create an unofficial Nottest-to-Hottest guide to cheerleader interference potential.

The NFL's Top 5 Nottest (Least Distracting) Cheer Squads:

5. Cincinnati Ben-Gals

-- Too starved? Too homely? We say: "TransAmerica" in arm spats.

4. Philadelphia Eagles cheerleaders

-- "Throwback" marketing run amok. Subdued. No sparkle. No skin. C'mon, ladies, the Iggles could have used more help from the sidelines.

3. Seattle Sea Gals

-- A few things that will prompt opposing players to look away, and fast: hairy armpits, too much makeup, cankles and camel toe.

2. Tennessee Titans cheerleaders

-- Modesty still reigns in Bible-Belt Nashville. And these outfits couldn't even distract players with attention deficit disorder.

1. Carolina Top Cats

-- When we think "NFL cheerleader," we do not conjure Sarah Silverman with a boob job. Also, what's with the Flintstones costumes? Finally, no getting around it -- there's the Skank Factor.


The NFL's Top 5 Hottest Cheer Squads:

5. Houston Texans cheerleaders

-- We don't usually go for "patriotic" red, white & blue combos, but these unis have clean lines, ruby-slipper red poms and just a touch of sass. Also, opposing players do double-takes for these Texan twins.

4. Miami Dolphins cheerleaders

-- TCL appreciates attention to detail! That orange-on-white pops, and their uni frills are less Tonya Harding and more Nancy Kerrigan. Nothing says "South Florida" like these girls.

3. Oakland Raiderettes

-- Black & silver, an irrisistible color combo. Those Anne Boleyn sleeves ... rhinestone trim ... the slash-cut black shorts with a silver sash! These girls are a romance writer's dream: wholesome beauties turned swashbuckling sexpots!

2. Washington Redskins cheerleaders

-- In a town that believes "More is Better," these girls have a radically different agenda. Philly's cheerleaders can claim "shirts"; the DC girls will happily play "skins." The 'Skins' color scheme has always struck us as "eh" -- but on their cheerbabes, that maroon plays like Australian cabernet: muted in color, but full-bodied and in-your-face.

1. Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders

-- The Coca-Cola/Snickers/Michael Jordan/iPhone/Rolls Royce of cheerleading teams. This squad has been so ahead of its time, its unis have hardly changed since its "rebirth" in 1972. Change, schmange -- that blue-on-white, star-sprinkled, Texas ho-down shimmy suit is a show-stopper.

Hands down, QB Tony Romo & Co. will be the worse for wear if America's Team can't first break the competition's spirit at Texas Stadium.